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Why Children and Myself are a Bad Combo
I love children, okay? Let's make that clear - I like newborns and infants, but not toddlers (it's the time of life when they realize that getting physical is kinda cool, and I dislike the resultant bruises as a result of their abuse), and I like it when they start to articulate themselves. Everything is new, for a while, and then they get to the age where they think they know everything, or grow this really annoying sense of entitlement.
It doesn't really get much better later on, of course. And of course, it's not all that much better with adults either. I have a really sophisticated way of articulating myself and some really specialized knowledge on what ought to be general shit, so talking with people on a really equal level is difficult because I tend to look even more deeply into a subject than most people do. When I meet someone else who also does the same, it's also hard because I end up feeling rather inferior.
Down in Singapore, I stayed with my cousin. She lives in a three bedroom HDB flat, typical of an average Singaporean, with three children aged 11, 8 and 3, and an infant. I did not speak to the oldest at all except to lay down a disciplinarian smackdown that's really her job. I only spoke to the second child because I went out shopping with her and her mother for her birthday party, which was the weekend I was down. I also did her makeup the last day I was there because she was going to someone else's party. The third was possibly the most annoying.
What is it about children who don't take a nap when they should, in the afternoon, knowing full well that they're going to end up really grumpy in the evening? This third child did that. Not only did she refuse her nap, but in the evening when she got really tired, she got really upset, and started crying and demanding roti prata. Or she demanded roti prata and when she was refused because she had to go to bed, she got upset, and started crying. Either way, she got what she wanted, and she was still crying. I don't think a day went by during my stay without this particular child getting upset over some really dumb shit. I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour myself - neither did my parents; my mom would ignore me if I pulled that shit, or outscream me, and my dad would make fun of me. It's very hard staying upset when your dad is mimicking your moronicism.
Threats are not just made in my house - they are carried out, and it made me a bit frustrated to have my cousin keep saying, "stop playing your game, stop playing your game" over and over, like a broken record, and he pretended he couldn't hear until I went over and grabbed his game, brought it over to where she was sitting, and he went all "I was saving that game!" Sure you were, buddy. Now save it in front of me and GO DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER SAYS. It really annoys me to see children behave so badly when their mothers are so nice to them and encourage them instead of criticize them full-time, the way my mom does.
It's not that I never get along with kids. Last December, my uncle from Kelantan came to visit, and I spent some time shopping with his MILF wife and two daughters - by MILF, I mean exactly what it sounds like - that woman did not look a DAY over 35, and her body was so ridiculously toned and fantastic from yoga... it's like having Madonna in your family. She does yoga, and she's taught yoga classes for a living on the side even though her husband supports the family. She was in town to take a yoga seminar too. Okay, so she's a traditional housewife but at least she's not like, dead bored or anything.
Anyway, the younger girl, a more outspoken, percocious sort of girl, took a shine to me, I suppose. My dad remarked on it one day, and I don't know if her hero worship of me was beneficial to either of her. She was supposed to sleep in the same room as me, but in the middle of the night she'd up and go sleep with her family anyway. One night when she came into the room, I was reading, quite intently, The Vindication of the Rights of Women, by Wollstonecraft (I was writing my literature review on the book), and she asked me stuff like "what are you reading" and "why do you read so much". Questions that sound silly on the surface, but are quite valid, I thought, and I answered them the best I could, and when she asked about my book, I explained to her, in as watered-down terms as possible, how Wollstonecraft is considered the first feminist, and why feminism is so important to girls, and what it means in day-to-day life (like, don't take shit from guys just because you're a girl, and don't do certain things just because you're a girl, do it because you really want to).
She gave me this wide-eyed look that had a myriad of tones to it, from "wow, I'm speechless" to "wtf are you talking about?" (I told my brother about this and mimicked her expression; he laughed his fucking head off.) A success? I don't know. Don't think so...
Perhaps my problem is because I have a very different language from the children I interact with. I expect children to be curious about the same things I used to be. I expect them to explore difficulties of fitting in, and to explore possibilities beyond superficial friendships. I like to encourage them to use their intellect. Which is not a good idea to do with anybody below the age of 16, it seems.
(Of course, it's not a good idea to do with most people of any age, either.)
I would love to have a child when I grow older. Children, as BitchPhD points out, are a natural, biological consequence of life (when you're regularly having sex with someone of the opposite sex). I do have strong maternal instincts. But if I'm going to have children, I'm going to have it in a community where I have strong intellectual support, so I can both love my child... and still have smart people to talk to.
It doesn't really get much better later on, of course. And of course, it's not all that much better with adults either. I have a really sophisticated way of articulating myself and some really specialized knowledge on what ought to be general shit, so talking with people on a really equal level is difficult because I tend to look even more deeply into a subject than most people do. When I meet someone else who also does the same, it's also hard because I end up feeling rather inferior.
Down in Singapore, I stayed with my cousin. She lives in a three bedroom HDB flat, typical of an average Singaporean, with three children aged 11, 8 and 3, and an infant. I did not speak to the oldest at all except to lay down a disciplinarian smackdown that's really her job. I only spoke to the second child because I went out shopping with her and her mother for her birthday party, which was the weekend I was down. I also did her makeup the last day I was there because she was going to someone else's party. The third was possibly the most annoying.
What is it about children who don't take a nap when they should, in the afternoon, knowing full well that they're going to end up really grumpy in the evening? This third child did that. Not only did she refuse her nap, but in the evening when she got really tired, she got really upset, and started crying and demanding roti prata. Or she demanded roti prata and when she was refused because she had to go to bed, she got upset, and started crying. Either way, she got what she wanted, and she was still crying. I don't think a day went by during my stay without this particular child getting upset over some really dumb shit. I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour myself - neither did my parents; my mom would ignore me if I pulled that shit, or outscream me, and my dad would make fun of me. It's very hard staying upset when your dad is mimicking your moronicism.
Threats are not just made in my house - they are carried out, and it made me a bit frustrated to have my cousin keep saying, "stop playing your game, stop playing your game" over and over, like a broken record, and he pretended he couldn't hear until I went over and grabbed his game, brought it over to where she was sitting, and he went all "I was saving that game!" Sure you were, buddy. Now save it in front of me and GO DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER SAYS. It really annoys me to see children behave so badly when their mothers are so nice to them and encourage them instead of criticize them full-time, the way my mom does.
It's not that I never get along with kids. Last December, my uncle from Kelantan came to visit, and I spent some time shopping with his MILF wife and two daughters - by MILF, I mean exactly what it sounds like - that woman did not look a DAY over 35, and her body was so ridiculously toned and fantastic from yoga... it's like having Madonna in your family. She does yoga, and she's taught yoga classes for a living on the side even though her husband supports the family. She was in town to take a yoga seminar too. Okay, so she's a traditional housewife but at least she's not like, dead bored or anything.
Anyway, the younger girl, a more outspoken, percocious sort of girl, took a shine to me, I suppose. My dad remarked on it one day, and I don't know if her hero worship of me was beneficial to either of her. She was supposed to sleep in the same room as me, but in the middle of the night she'd up and go sleep with her family anyway. One night when she came into the room, I was reading, quite intently, The Vindication of the Rights of Women, by Wollstonecraft (I was writing my literature review on the book), and she asked me stuff like "what are you reading" and "why do you read so much". Questions that sound silly on the surface, but are quite valid, I thought, and I answered them the best I could, and when she asked about my book, I explained to her, in as watered-down terms as possible, how Wollstonecraft is considered the first feminist, and why feminism is so important to girls, and what it means in day-to-day life (like, don't take shit from guys just because you're a girl, and don't do certain things just because you're a girl, do it because you really want to).
She gave me this wide-eyed look that had a myriad of tones to it, from "wow, I'm speechless" to "wtf are you talking about?" (I told my brother about this and mimicked her expression; he laughed his fucking head off.) A success? I don't know. Don't think so...
Perhaps my problem is because I have a very different language from the children I interact with. I expect children to be curious about the same things I used to be. I expect them to explore difficulties of fitting in, and to explore possibilities beyond superficial friendships. I like to encourage them to use their intellect. Which is not a good idea to do with anybody below the age of 16, it seems.
(Of course, it's not a good idea to do with most people of any age, either.)
I would love to have a child when I grow older. Children, as BitchPhD points out, are a natural, biological consequence of life (when you're regularly having sex with someone of the opposite sex). I do have strong maternal instincts. But if I'm going to have children, I'm going to have it in a community where I have strong intellectual support, so I can both love my child... and still have smart people to talk to.