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I Has Grooming Habits
So there's this thread on Pandagon about a rather douche-y list made by some dude who thinks he's funny on "10 Things Guys Wish You Knew". My first reaction was, "if guys wanted us to know why the hell don't they just fucking say so?" Anyways, the discussion eventually got hardboiled into a debate on the (de)merits of makeup.
A couple of years ago, I got into an almighty argument with my best friend. It sort of sparked off with her saying, "You look so nice tonight, you should dress nicely more often, you're so beautiful when you do" and that totally rubbed me the wrong way. In my ears, it sounded like she was measuring my daily looks up and finding me wanting, and wanted me to fit into specific standards of how I should look like, rather than just appreciating me all on my own. I'm not exactly ugly by any stretch of imagination. This also played into the fact that she herself tended to be a little caught up with the appearance game, and that night I really wasn't feeling like playing. It ended up with me derailing into someting else entirely and accusing her of not being the best friend I wanted her to be. And she said something equally stupid, and rubbish went flying all around.
Anyways, despite her rant, I still continued on my life dressing the way I wanted to dress, which was pretty much the same way my friends dressed, which was looking like a student. Which is - roll out of bed, wash up, throw on something comfy, run to class. I didn't really take my appearance really seriously until I started going out more to events like dinners (makeup to go clubbing? Hellz no) where looking good while standing around was a bonus. And frankly, when I clean up, I clean up really well.
I tend to clean up well because What Not To Wear was one of my favourite shows on TV. Aside from the crummy beatdown at the beginning of the show (and to be honest, the show was a lot more fun when it was couples getting a makeover, not just people sending in nominations, because invariably everyone sends in a female candidate), the rest of the episode tended to be really helpful, non-judgemental and fun. I like how Stacy and Clinton would pick clothes that suited the person, rather than tell them to change their body shape. Moreover, the focus tended to be on professional wear. Cleaning up for a job interview (and by this I mean, dressing in neat clothes) shouldn't have to be a trial, and putting a bit of effort into one's appearance shows that one really wants the job.
Also, the candidates are given the choice of whether or not to take the $5k to get a whole new wardrobe anyway. I imagine that anybody who chose not to take the $5k were simply left alone and an episode with them would simply not be made. But then, I can't imagine anyone turning down $5k, a new wardrobe, new haircut, and free makeup lesson, purely on the basis of some abstract conviction. It would be nice and all to imagine that when it comes down to it, we should all be judged on our talents and our work should speak for itself, and our appearances shouldn't have to matter.
Unfortunately, that's not this world, heh.
Anyways, my friend stopped harping on my non-beautification habits, and as she stopped, I merrily picked them up since I no longer felt I was being forced to conform to someone else's perception of what I should do with myself.
On the other side of the coin, it is equally as annoying to have someone say, "I don't like girls with makeup". (Or "I don't like it when guys do X to look better.")
I've heard this from my dad, and I said to him, "Dad, this issue is not about YOU."
That statement is so loaded with weird contradictory implications in most contexts, especially in discussions on feminist blogs where we're talking about the general trend towards makeup and pressure on women to look flawless. Whenever this statement comes up, it sort of breaks down like this:
1) I don't care about superficial things like looks
2) Makeup is inherently superficial
3) Beauty comes from within
4) Yet I feel the need to comment on something related to a woman's appearance
5) And make a judgement according to my standards
6) Because my vote on the grooming and beautification habits of women obviously matters.
-_-
These makeup wars often run the gamut of:
- Makeup is another tool of the patriarchy to control women and make them conform to impossible beauty standards. Avoid as much as possible. If you use makeup, you're just a weakling conforming to patriarchal standards.
- Makeup is necessary as women are still judged by their appearance. Putting on makeup isn't a feminist act but an act of survival in order to make any progress in the working world, whether it's keeping a job or getting a promotion (there have been women who have been passed over for promotions because they didn't wear makeup).
- Makeup is necessary because you need to show that you care about yourself and your appearance, and taking the time to look good for work shows that you care about your job that you want to look good doing it.
- Makeup changes a person's looks, and you're just lying to the world about your appearance if you put on makeup.
- Makeup should be done away with because it makes a woman look like plastic and thus less attractive.
- Makeup is a form of pampering one's self and isn't inherently feminist, but not anti-feminist either.
And I sit in the "makeup is not anybody's fucking business to dictate so long as the woman is doing it because she bloody wants to" camp.
Certainly there are women who put on makeup (even while they don't want to) because they feel pressured to do so. And they're ignorant of whether they have a choice or not in the matter. Certainly there're women who don't put on makeup, and rail at other women who do (which is equally annoying because it's not a feminist act to judge other people on their choices). And certainly there're women (and men) who don't see the point of putting on makeup, and women (and men) who think ignoring the pressure on women to look beautiful is disingenuous at best.
And yes, there are ridiculous ad campaigns out there which denigrate women for not comforming to particular grooming habits.
It's a complicated issue, but one that can be made better simply by not telling others they "should" do something that's pretty much related to their own appearances and lives.
Like someone in the Pandagon thread said, it's not like makeup can jump off people's faces and assault others. It reminds me of a post that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nolan_ash made, mostly on gender-conformity, but I feel also equally applies to the social pressure women face to be beautiful (or not):
I cut off my long hair and sculpted it into a badass fauxhawk. I stopped painting my nails and wearing eye makeup (the only kind I wear.) I think I was understood and accepted more with this hairstyle, which was cool. Except it wasn't cool at all. Once again: Did I have to have short hair and dress boyish to gain the respect a man would get? Is that how I would choose to dress and wear my hair all other things being equal? Am I enforcing the unspoken rule that a woman must become more male to be respected? I was changing myself again. Damn.
...
I flatly refuse to ever let my gender/sex stand in the way of what I want. If I'd been born male, Nolan would have been just as lazy about haircuts and he, too, would have been smitten by Hotohori's long bishonen hair. If Nolan would have the balls to wear his hair long, so would I. I hate high heels, full face makeup, and dresses. If Nolan would raise holy hell if this dress code was forced on him, then so would I. Yet I love black eye makeup; I think it looks hot on both sexes because it makes the eyes bold and stand out. If all was right with the world, and men were allowed to wear make-up the way women are allowed to wear pants, then I think Nolan would wear eye makeup to darken his blond lashes. So would I. I'm otherwise quite a tomboy, but I do like painting my nails. I think both sexes would have fun painting their nails if they were allowed to. So would I.
It's stupid that we even have to justify and defend our reasons and desire for whether or not we are doing these so-called Superficial Things That Totes Aren't Important In Today's Gender-Equal World. There are days when I want to put on makeup for no reason other than I have the time and I feel like it today. There are days when I go for weeks without shaving my pits. And then there's my modeling where my appearance is always on the line and is part of what makes or breaks the final outcome. I work in a job where makeup isn't necessary (and when a client comes to visit, the dress code is "business casual", and everyone gussies up but otherwise we're at work in jeans and stuff).
Sho' nuff.
A couple of years ago, I got into an almighty argument with my best friend. It sort of sparked off with her saying, "You look so nice tonight, you should dress nicely more often, you're so beautiful when you do" and that totally rubbed me the wrong way. In my ears, it sounded like she was measuring my daily looks up and finding me wanting, and wanted me to fit into specific standards of how I should look like, rather than just appreciating me all on my own. I'm not exactly ugly by any stretch of imagination. This also played into the fact that she herself tended to be a little caught up with the appearance game, and that night I really wasn't feeling like playing. It ended up with me derailing into someting else entirely and accusing her of not being the best friend I wanted her to be. And she said something equally stupid, and rubbish went flying all around.
Anyways, despite her rant, I still continued on my life dressing the way I wanted to dress, which was pretty much the same way my friends dressed, which was looking like a student. Which is - roll out of bed, wash up, throw on something comfy, run to class. I didn't really take my appearance really seriously until I started going out more to events like dinners (makeup to go clubbing? Hellz no) where looking good while standing around was a bonus. And frankly, when I clean up, I clean up really well.
I tend to clean up well because What Not To Wear was one of my favourite shows on TV. Aside from the crummy beatdown at the beginning of the show (and to be honest, the show was a lot more fun when it was couples getting a makeover, not just people sending in nominations, because invariably everyone sends in a female candidate), the rest of the episode tended to be really helpful, non-judgemental and fun. I like how Stacy and Clinton would pick clothes that suited the person, rather than tell them to change their body shape. Moreover, the focus tended to be on professional wear. Cleaning up for a job interview (and by this I mean, dressing in neat clothes) shouldn't have to be a trial, and putting a bit of effort into one's appearance shows that one really wants the job.
Also, the candidates are given the choice of whether or not to take the $5k to get a whole new wardrobe anyway. I imagine that anybody who chose not to take the $5k were simply left alone and an episode with them would simply not be made. But then, I can't imagine anyone turning down $5k, a new wardrobe, new haircut, and free makeup lesson, purely on the basis of some abstract conviction. It would be nice and all to imagine that when it comes down to it, we should all be judged on our talents and our work should speak for itself, and our appearances shouldn't have to matter.
Unfortunately, that's not this world, heh.
Anyways, my friend stopped harping on my non-beautification habits, and as she stopped, I merrily picked them up since I no longer felt I was being forced to conform to someone else's perception of what I should do with myself.
On the other side of the coin, it is equally as annoying to have someone say, "I don't like girls with makeup". (Or "I don't like it when guys do X to look better.")
I've heard this from my dad, and I said to him, "Dad, this issue is not about YOU."
That statement is so loaded with weird contradictory implications in most contexts, especially in discussions on feminist blogs where we're talking about the general trend towards makeup and pressure on women to look flawless. Whenever this statement comes up, it sort of breaks down like this:
1) I don't care about superficial things like looks
2) Makeup is inherently superficial
3) Beauty comes from within
4) Yet I feel the need to comment on something related to a woman's appearance
5) And make a judgement according to my standards
6) Because my vote on the grooming and beautification habits of women obviously matters.
-_-
These makeup wars often run the gamut of:
- Makeup is another tool of the patriarchy to control women and make them conform to impossible beauty standards. Avoid as much as possible. If you use makeup, you're just a weakling conforming to patriarchal standards.
- Makeup is necessary as women are still judged by their appearance. Putting on makeup isn't a feminist act but an act of survival in order to make any progress in the working world, whether it's keeping a job or getting a promotion (there have been women who have been passed over for promotions because they didn't wear makeup).
- Makeup is necessary because you need to show that you care about yourself and your appearance, and taking the time to look good for work shows that you care about your job that you want to look good doing it.
- Makeup changes a person's looks, and you're just lying to the world about your appearance if you put on makeup.
- Makeup should be done away with because it makes a woman look like plastic and thus less attractive.
- Makeup is a form of pampering one's self and isn't inherently feminist, but not anti-feminist either.
And I sit in the "makeup is not anybody's fucking business to dictate so long as the woman is doing it because she bloody wants to" camp.
Certainly there are women who put on makeup (even while they don't want to) because they feel pressured to do so. And they're ignorant of whether they have a choice or not in the matter. Certainly there're women who don't put on makeup, and rail at other women who do (which is equally annoying because it's not a feminist act to judge other people on their choices). And certainly there're women (and men) who don't see the point of putting on makeup, and women (and men) who think ignoring the pressure on women to look beautiful is disingenuous at best.
And yes, there are ridiculous ad campaigns out there which denigrate women for not comforming to particular grooming habits.
It's a complicated issue, but one that can be made better simply by not telling others they "should" do something that's pretty much related to their own appearances and lives.
Like someone in the Pandagon thread said, it's not like makeup can jump off people's faces and assault others. It reminds me of a post that
nolan_ash made, mostly on gender-conformity, but I feel also equally applies to the social pressure women face to be beautiful (or not):I cut off my long hair and sculpted it into a badass fauxhawk. I stopped painting my nails and wearing eye makeup (the only kind I wear.) I think I was understood and accepted more with this hairstyle, which was cool. Except it wasn't cool at all. Once again: Did I have to have short hair and dress boyish to gain the respect a man would get? Is that how I would choose to dress and wear my hair all other things being equal? Am I enforcing the unspoken rule that a woman must become more male to be respected? I was changing myself again. Damn.
...
I flatly refuse to ever let my gender/sex stand in the way of what I want. If I'd been born male, Nolan would have been just as lazy about haircuts and he, too, would have been smitten by Hotohori's long bishonen hair. If Nolan would have the balls to wear his hair long, so would I. I hate high heels, full face makeup, and dresses. If Nolan would raise holy hell if this dress code was forced on him, then so would I. Yet I love black eye makeup; I think it looks hot on both sexes because it makes the eyes bold and stand out. If all was right with the world, and men were allowed to wear make-up the way women are allowed to wear pants, then I think Nolan would wear eye makeup to darken his blond lashes. So would I. I'm otherwise quite a tomboy, but I do like painting my nails. I think both sexes would have fun painting their nails if they were allowed to. So would I.
It's stupid that we even have to justify and defend our reasons and desire for whether or not we are doing these so-called Superficial Things That Totes Aren't Important In Today's Gender-Equal World. There are days when I want to put on makeup for no reason other than I have the time and I feel like it today. There are days when I go for weeks without shaving my pits. And then there's my modeling where my appearance is always on the line and is part of what makes or breaks the final outcome. I work in a job where makeup isn't necessary (and when a client comes to visit, the dress code is "business casual", and everyone gussies up but otherwise we're at work in jeans and stuff).
Sho' nuff.