Veggie Body, Veggie Brain
Aug. 15th, 2006 05:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jhameiaSo I was considering the life of a person in paralysis. What would it be like to live the life of a person who has perfect mental faculties, but couldn't move? Would it be better to have known the life of a person who could move first, or worse to know that life of the body has been completely taken away, for whatever reason?
By paralyzed, I mean, unable to speak or move, but capable of hearing, processing thought, maybe seeing and smelling, tasting, feeling sensations.
That, in my world, would suck. Because then I'd need full-time care, and likely by "loved ones". That would be awful, for many reasons.
#1 This would mean my family would have to support me, fiscally and physically. My mother has spent years working her arse off so I could go to university and eventually get a job and earn my own keep. She's really resentful at this period of time that I'm not graduating in less than four years, and fully expects me to support her at some period in the future, I imagine. If she had to take care of me like this now, her resentment and disappointment would become full-blown and my family would bear the brunt of her anger.
#2 I would become really depressed. Aside from the above-mentioned situation, there's also the fact that none of my family really know how to amuse me or keep me out of depression. I do that myself by writing (creation always makes me better) and reading (internalizing new ideas helps distract the mind). Being unable to do neither for myself, I would need endless entertainment, preferrably by having someone read stuff to me with colourful commentary that isn't retarded juvenile humour. Out of my entire family, I should think only my dad would be able to do this.
However, knowing my family though, they'd probably treat me like some child who needed this tender loving care and the moment they start their retarded cooing I will wish to Heaven that there was no such thing as paralysis, just death.
I think it's horrible to be perfectly functional mentally, yet have people treat you like some sub-human creature. It's bad enough the way they talk to me when I see them at reunion, quizzing me sometimes like I don't have an answer, I shudder to think how they'd treat me when I really just can't answer.
Worse still would be all the ideas internally that would have absolutely no chance to come out if I were paralyzed. I think that a life without writing would just be so miserable, I might as well just die. I would like to feel a pen in my fingers, a sheet of paper under my hand. To hear the scritch of the tip against the surface and to create meaningful markings upon the blank canvas. I'd probably take forever just to write one word, but that would be worth it - just being able to write. It would give me a way to exercise my mind, and if I could work my hand, I'm sure that eventually, I could work the rest of my body, too.
But left at my family's mercy, I would probably just wilt, completely unable to stand up for myself and unable to help them deal with my situation.
That's a frightening thought. All the more reason for me not to get into situations where I could possibly fuck myself up that badly.
By paralyzed, I mean, unable to speak or move, but capable of hearing, processing thought, maybe seeing and smelling, tasting, feeling sensations.
That, in my world, would suck. Because then I'd need full-time care, and likely by "loved ones". That would be awful, for many reasons.
#1 This would mean my family would have to support me, fiscally and physically. My mother has spent years working her arse off so I could go to university and eventually get a job and earn my own keep. She's really resentful at this period of time that I'm not graduating in less than four years, and fully expects me to support her at some period in the future, I imagine. If she had to take care of me like this now, her resentment and disappointment would become full-blown and my family would bear the brunt of her anger.
#2 I would become really depressed. Aside from the above-mentioned situation, there's also the fact that none of my family really know how to amuse me or keep me out of depression. I do that myself by writing (creation always makes me better) and reading (internalizing new ideas helps distract the mind). Being unable to do neither for myself, I would need endless entertainment, preferrably by having someone read stuff to me with colourful commentary that isn't retarded juvenile humour. Out of my entire family, I should think only my dad would be able to do this.
However, knowing my family though, they'd probably treat me like some child who needed this tender loving care and the moment they start their retarded cooing I will wish to Heaven that there was no such thing as paralysis, just death.
I think it's horrible to be perfectly functional mentally, yet have people treat you like some sub-human creature. It's bad enough the way they talk to me when I see them at reunion, quizzing me sometimes like I don't have an answer, I shudder to think how they'd treat me when I really just can't answer.
Worse still would be all the ideas internally that would have absolutely no chance to come out if I were paralyzed. I think that a life without writing would just be so miserable, I might as well just die. I would like to feel a pen in my fingers, a sheet of paper under my hand. To hear the scritch of the tip against the surface and to create meaningful markings upon the blank canvas. I'd probably take forever just to write one word, but that would be worth it - just being able to write. It would give me a way to exercise my mind, and if I could work my hand, I'm sure that eventually, I could work the rest of my body, too.
But left at my family's mercy, I would probably just wilt, completely unable to stand up for myself and unable to help them deal with my situation.
That's a frightening thought. All the more reason for me not to get into situations where I could possibly fuck myself up that badly.