Stop Messing with my Hair (with ME)!

[jhameia]

I'm sure a lot of you have heard how much I hate it when people say to me, "Your hair is too long, get it cut" as if it's such a major crime to have hair reaching for my ass.

I've noticed a pattern of people who say "what lovely hair you have" or "your hair is too long". Noticeably, the former group like me the way I am: most of my online friends, many acquaintances, my former landlady and some I consider good friends.

The latter group consist of people whom I know for a fact want me to change on some level: my mother, my best friend, or they're people who like changing others, like my mom's hairdresser.

On the whole, I get really nasty when people try to fuck around with my hair, and I know I trust someone when they touch my hair and I don't get uncomfortable with it.

I was in the elevator with Sean on the way back from Five Minutes, and I was just kinda brushing his hair this way and that, watching it all bounce back because it's so short, and he said, "You can't mess up my hair. Nobody can." I said, "I'm not trying to mess it up, I'm just watching it bounce back into place." To which he said, "it used to piss people off so much that they couldn't mess it up. Used to piss my ex off too."

So, maybe I'm reading into things too much, but why the fuck does it seem that it's the people who want to change us that want to mess with our hair that badly?

It's as if because they can't change who we are on the outside, seeing as they have little to no influence and they're frustrated with that, they can always mess with our hair, and they can try to convince us to fuck with it the way THEY want it. Like how my mom wants me to cut it, like how Sean's friends want to mess it up - they can't do anything to us internally, but they can try to do it externally.

Let's take this further. Once, I took this quiz, where each answer had a specific meaning on how the person answering approaches relationships. One of the questions was: "You enter your loved one's bedroom. Do you expect them awake, or asleep?"

The keys were, if you expect them asleep, it means you love them for the way they are. If you expect them awake, it means you expect them to change for you. Following this vein, I read several years later in a women's magazine, "he loves you when..." and the last one was, "he REALLY loves you (but you won't know it) ... when he watches you while you're sleeping."

I know a lot of people find it creepy when others watch them sleep - there's always this anxiety issue of "why the fuck are you looking at me?!" but those of you who've been in love relationships before where you're really happy, come on and admit it, haven't you spent SOME time watching the one you love sleeping, and just gazing at them, and thinking deep down inside how wonderful they are, how precious they looked when asleep, how lucky you are to have them in your life? You don't want them to wake up to do something for you: they're fine exactly the way they are. Okay, sure, maybe they have some flaws, but that can wait until they wake up.

Why do people do that though? Try to change each other? I've got a long-standing fight with my best friend on this: one time I said to her, "well, there're things about you that piss me off too, but you seem happy with the way it is, and you don't hurt anybody with it, so I'm not going to try to change it." She retorted, "so you'll leave me to be imperfect then?"

And I was like "... yeah. Yeah. You know why? Because you won't ever be perfect. No one ever will. I can't be perfect, so you better stop trying, but yeah, you know, I happen to love you just the way you are, even with the things that piss me off, and if you can't do that for yourself, that's not my problem. If you want to change for yourself, do it. But don't do it for me." Seriously. I'll take a suggestion and if I deem it reasonable, I'll see what I can do.

And she'd rejoin with how it's not about "changing for other people, but changing for the better" - yeah, well, who the fuck decides what's for the better if you're the one yammering about it all the time?

It's true, I don't take bullshit, although for some reason I get along with people that a lot of others find annoying. But that's not so much changing them as asking them not to lie to me, not to whine to me, and not to all-round trouble me in general.

And stop trying to mess with my hair. I don't want you to mess it up, and I certainly don't like it when you talk about chopping it off. Fuck around with your own hair, dammit.

Comments

*ahem* Regarding the length of your hair

[nosidagi.livejournal.com]

I think your hair is just fine. You look quite fetching with your hair reaching your ass. Just know that most men are very jealous that your hair can and we can't.

Oh yes, tenchan and I really enjoyed your visit. We'll deffinately keep you posted for our next movie or theme party.

[nolan-ash.livejournal.com]

Interesting note about the hair. I get that a lot, too, but it usually falls into the camps of "bitter jealous" and "like me" camps, but those usually correspond with your idea of "want to change you" and "like you as you are"

There's nothing I like better than watching Alan when he's asleep or doing anything else when he doesn't realize I'm watching.

[fantasyecho.livejournal.com]

I get the "bitter jealous" thing too - which is usually followed by something like "give me your hair" or "you should cut it!", which to me says something like "I'm too lazy to grow / maintain my own hair (self), so you should make yourself something lesser to make me feel better."

[burnedparadise.livejournal.com]

my mother, grandmother and aunt are always fussing about my hair. My mother and aunt keep telling me to cut it off, or stop growing it out. My grandmother will likely disown me if I cut off my hair. I know with the case of my mother, she doesn't like me the way I am and she'll always try to change me. But since she knows I wont change, she wont out right tell me to stop doing something, she'll tell me to cut my hair, which is something different right? She's not pestering me to stop wearing all black, she telling me to cut my hair.

I don't get it. so many people love my hair, why should I change it for just a few. so I totally understand where you're coming from. :)