Girlie Games And Why They Are Annoying
Jan. 6th, 2008 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jhameiaI think one of those things which definitely works against girls in this whole "Let's Get Equality" game, and our bid To Be Taken Seriously, is this silly propensity to play games.
Oh, you know what I mean. "I like this guy, but I can't tell him, because then he wouldn't appreciate it, so I'm going all out to make it look like I don't like him, and get to know him so he'll fall for me, and I won't tell him I like him unless I'm very sure he likes me too."
Uh, what? Why can't you tell him?
"You just don't tell people these sorts of things."
Why not?
"Because it's just not done."
Okay, then why the whole lapoolah and why not just get to know him?
"Oh, I am, but I have to reel him in too."
Why is it so important to not tell him, or show some sign, that you like him, unless he does the same?
"To save face."
"Saving face" is the most worthless game in the entire social history of Humankind. So many stupid, useless runarounds have been finagled all because someone didn't want to risk looking stupid. There is such a thing as losing gracefully, ladies and gentlemen. There is such a thing as taking risks and losing all in face of a greater gain. But the big question is, if it's not worth risking your all, why bother?
Pardon my cynicism. I guess I'm just an extremely passionate person and I don't like wasting any of my emotional energy on pursuits of dumb people. Plus, this sort of bullshit only further the stereotype that girlies go for dumb guys and like to play games.
And I guess I shouldn't hold everybody else up to my yardstick as well. But boyfriends aren't things, they aren't prizes to be won. They're human beings and should be treated like so. Andrew's not my fucktoy I won by Playing Fishing - he's a warm human being I decided I really want to be around, and I told him so, and he feels the same way, so we're dating. If he had rejected me, that's not 'losing face' - that's just us not having the same interest in each other. There's no "lost honour" in being rejected - shit like that happens, and if you're too goddamn childish to deal with it and have to avoid it by playing all these dumb games, STOP PLAYING, PERIOD.
All this dumbass confusion, worrying, anxiety, bitching to friends about how So-and-So is sending mixed signals - you're doing the same thing too, by playing "I like you but won't say it". Friggin' stop it!
Oh, you know what I mean. "I like this guy, but I can't tell him, because then he wouldn't appreciate it, so I'm going all out to make it look like I don't like him, and get to know him so he'll fall for me, and I won't tell him I like him unless I'm very sure he likes me too."
Uh, what? Why can't you tell him?
"You just don't tell people these sorts of things."
Why not?
"Because it's just not done."
Okay, then why the whole lapoolah and why not just get to know him?
"Oh, I am, but I have to reel him in too."
Why is it so important to not tell him, or show some sign, that you like him, unless he does the same?
"To save face."
"Saving face" is the most worthless game in the entire social history of Humankind. So many stupid, useless runarounds have been finagled all because someone didn't want to risk looking stupid. There is such a thing as losing gracefully, ladies and gentlemen. There is such a thing as taking risks and losing all in face of a greater gain. But the big question is, if it's not worth risking your all, why bother?
Pardon my cynicism. I guess I'm just an extremely passionate person and I don't like wasting any of my emotional energy on pursuits of dumb people. Plus, this sort of bullshit only further the stereotype that girlies go for dumb guys and like to play games.
And I guess I shouldn't hold everybody else up to my yardstick as well. But boyfriends aren't things, they aren't prizes to be won. They're human beings and should be treated like so. Andrew's not my fucktoy I won by Playing Fishing - he's a warm human being I decided I really want to be around, and I told him so, and he feels the same way, so we're dating. If he had rejected me, that's not 'losing face' - that's just us not having the same interest in each other. There's no "lost honour" in being rejected - shit like that happens, and if you're too goddamn childish to deal with it and have to avoid it by playing all these dumb games, STOP PLAYING, PERIOD.
All this dumbass confusion, worrying, anxiety, bitching to friends about how So-and-So is sending mixed signals - you're doing the same thing too, by playing "I like you but won't say it". Friggin' stop it!
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-08 05:16 pm (UTC)Its not just girls
Date: 2008-01-08 09:39 pm (UTC)It's amplified by the fact that I hit college straight out of an all boys school where I'd had my self confidence torn to shreds, and it took years to actually regard myself as worthwhile.
I've somewhat beaten the problem through the experience of one of the people I liked telling me, a few years after, "you know, if you'd just asked me out", but the best experience I had to help get over it was asking out a friend, who quite gently shot me down and continued to be my friend (I had a little trouble dealing, and had to spend about 2 months not seeing her very much, but once I got that out of the way, we went back to being really good friends). I'm currently single, but now that's mainly due to not meeting anyone I'm interested in at the moment.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-10 12:19 am (UTC)I assure you that I've have conversations with plenty of men who are afraid of looking pathetic and being that guy who goes for it and gets shot down then talked about to all her friends about what a pathetic loser he is later on. This is not a sex issue, it is a self confidence issue. It applies to everyone with low self confidence and big aspirations in terms of dating.