Calling my Malaysian peers

[jhameia]

So it occurred to me after doing some heavy-duty reading at Hugo Schwyzer's (and finally connecting some dots with other feminist blogs as well) that crying is apparently gendered female in this part of the world (North America).

Which isn't my experience.

When I was about eleven years old, my dad got mad at me for some reason, and found that I had opened a new can of condensed milk while having not yet finished the last can which still had some condensed milk mixed with water that I had intended to mix in with my morning drink a few mornings previous.

This was in the days when my dad was, when pissed off, easily abusive and The Scariest Person On Earth, and he shoved the can into my face, demanding that I drink it right there and then, and me being me and not seeing what the big deal was except that my dad when PISSED OFF is fucking scary, I started crying and dropped the can.

My mom happened to come into the kitchen then, demanding to know what had happened, and my dad snapped his explanation at her. Since she agreed, she took one look at me and said, "stop crying like a baby. You should be ashamed of yourself, crying like that."

So, growing up, the cultural cue, at least in my family, was that crying was a baby thing, something one only does when one doesn't have the reasoning faculty to realize that crying looks embarrassing and, well, childish. (OK, actually I don't know what the reason behind being ashamed at crying was.)

But thinking it over, it could have been altogether possible that crying was simply not an option for anyone unless it was something seriously upsetting (like the death of a family. Being peeing-in-your-pants scared of your parents was not a reason to cry) - TV dramas had both men and women crying at their vulnerable moments, but crying was seen more as a result of weakness or extreme burden than anything gendered.

So, fellow Malaysians (or generally, fellow Asians), agree / disagree? What do you think?

Comments

[eleraine.livejournal.com]

Well, in my case, I used to cry when I was dead darn pissed - too pissed to say anything - and my dad used to say that in my case, crying is a sign of one's inability to control one's emotions. He also sees it as a form of emotional blackmail. Both of which are bad and hardly helpful when it comes to resolving conflict.

My parents have never told me that crying was childish or embarrassing. It's just that they think that people need to control themselves better instead of letting the pipes loose at the first sign of trouble. It's weird though because they wouldn't even accuse me of emotional blackmail if we were having a heated or painful discussion about something and I start tearing in the middle of it BUT if I started the waterworks in the beginning, I'd get told to STOP crying because it's bad & hardly helpful. =.=

But I have heard other parents tell their children that crying is shameful...especially if it's a boy because apparently, only girls cry with/without reason. =.=

[http://users.livejournal.com/_juju_/]

Glad you threw in the other Asians. :P

I agree that it happens. That's how traditional parents raise their children.

It's... unfortunate. Feelings get buried, emotions get dulled, and reactions are not what people expect. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. It works sometimes... but... who can say?