On Comprehensive Sex Ed: Facts For Fun And Forewarning

[jhameia]

So, figleaf of Real Adult Sex was talking about Freud's discussion on polymorphous perversity in which he wrote,

I think (obviously for someone with my blog title) it's more appropriate to encourage sexual expression in adults after we've gone through a lot of healthy identity formation. One of the problems with children, ironically, is that because they're polymorphous they're more easily manipulated down convenient-for-adult narrow pathways (gee, sound familiar?)... as opposed to organically developing their own.

I really liked this aside. For several reasons.

Now, most of you probably know I'm totally for comprehensive sex education, at whatever age. This rule of thumb of mine may change, but I figure, if a kid is old enough to ask sex-related questions, then avoiding the questions isn't going to do much for them. In fact, I've been totally misled by something my mom said when I was a kid because she didn't really want to have a conversation with me about it. (And a good thing nothing bad ever came out of it too, and that I realized what a bad thing it was.)

I couldn't really express that there because I was afraid it might be too OT, and besides which, I hadn't really articulated anything else, but I replied with this:

I like the way you put this. Somehow, whenever I try to talk about comprehensive sex education for kids, either I get the told that I'm expecting kids to have sexual expression too young, or that sex shouldn't be a priority anyway. It's kinda mind-boggling.

And don't we darling liberals get that a lot? Especially in traditional Asian countries? "If you teach them about sex they're going to have sex, of course! If they don't know anything about it, how will they know to do anything??"

And figleaf responded to my comment with a whole post that quite beautifully expresses why it's such a good idea to present sex education as morally-neutral to kids.

When I wrote my comment, I was struggling to express it better that wasn't OT, but said pretty much what he just said in this post. The best way I've been able to put it is "just because I advocate comprehensive sex education for children doesn't mean I want them having sex like bunnies or whatever. That's like saying that giving a person a comprehensive education in science will drive them to create monstrosities and death rays."

We teach science because it's useful to know certain facts in case we're in trouble and it helps us better understand the world around us. So why not teach sex ed, to help us better understand this really complicated, hard-to-comprehend part of ourselves? Especially when one considers the likelihood of someone building monstrosities is far less than the likelihood of someone being taken advantage of because they didn't have all the facts they need.

(Also, if you're using your knowledge of science to create zombie monstrosities and death rays to blow up the world, chances are your education wasn't fucking comprehensive enough that nobody ever taught you to be cautious with the shit you work with out of consideration for other people who live on the planet.)

Which is why I get pretty annoyed seeing conservative people decrying sex education like it's going to make their children filthy. If you teach your child that sex outside of marriage is a filthy thing, then yes, it's going to be a filthy thing for your child. Not that it fucking helps them any, mind you, in the off-chance that they get raped or molested or otherwise sexually violated and have no recourse for it. I get annoyed when I see traditional folks bitching that if you teach kids about sex it means that they'll have no respect for sex and for themselves.

Because, in my admittedly very limited experience, learning about something deepens appreciation for the subject. The more I learned about flowers, the more cool they were. The more I figured out the workings of a computer, the nerdier I got. The more I understand social cues and cultural relativity, the more I appreciate cultural divides and the more tickled I am when I see such things happen in stuff I read.

Telling children plain facts about their biological processes, sexualities, and physiological developement probably isn't going to make them want to have sex. Especially if you posit sex as an activity involving more than one person. In fact, it'll probably delay them from it because that shit is complicated, yo, and anybody can figure out really quickly that it's probably best to grow up and figure one's self out first before involving other people in this personal shit.

Now, another thing I get is that if we teach kids sex education, we're positing that sex is a priority, and sex shouldn't be a priority at that age. It's true, sex should wait until you've got your own damn personal hubris sorted out. I understand that sex between two happy, self-confident, psychologically stable, secure people is pretty damn hot. But if we communicate this (that sex between two actively involved, self-confident adults who really dig each other is a categorical good) to kids, that would protect them from being preyed upon by unhappy, controlling, jerks who take advantage of their sexual ignorance.

And anyways, go read figleaf's post, because he explains it much better than I do.

Comments

[eiko82.livejournal.com]

Very good read *thumbs up*

[tarmaque.livejournal.com]

I would follow a somewhat different tack. Comprehensive sex education is a good thing, because it gives children correct information. If they aren't given correct information they invariably get incorrect sophistry, ideological misinformation, and myths that often lead to physical and psychological pain.

However, one of my problems with sex education is the same as my problem with Capitol Punishment; How can we trust people to do it right?

I'll give you an example. When I was 14 years old I was inflicted with a short, 2-hour sex education program with our junior high school's health instructor. We were given a very perfunctory explanation of the mechanics of sexual intercourse, shown a short film of a sperm fertilizing an egg, and given a 1/2 hour lecture about the dangers of sexual activity.

During the 1/2 hour lecture, we were also informed of our instructor's prejudices on sexual activity. Apparently her experiences with sex were damaging to her personality. She described sex as "A let down" and "unfulfilling". Then she urged us to avoid sexual contact due to its detrimental psychological consequences.

To a bunch of horny 14 year olds? Do you think we payed any attention whatsoever to this fat woman with sexual issues? No. We payed more attention to our friends who were already doing it, older kids we knew, and misinformation we got from magazines and television. It more conformed to what we knew about sex from what our bodies were telling us at the time.

So who do we trust to do it correctly? I don't know.

[fantasyecho.livejournal.com]

I agree with you there too. Figleaf also talks about the same problem: neutrality when discussing sex education - facts covering as much as possible in order for children to learn without getting any "this is evil" vibes, so as to make healthy, safe choices.

Scarleteen.com does a fairly good job of it, though.

[tarmaque.livejournal.com]

I picked up a lot of my sexual attitudes from Robert Heinlien and his various novels, at an age where "Right thinking parents" wouldn't have allowed a young man to be reading them. The rest of them came from my highly sexually dysfunctional ex-wife. Between the two sources I have a significantly warped view towards sexuality, and a definite distrust of established ideas of sex education. My ex is a prime example of how much a society can fuck up a person's sexuality, but that's a long story.

(I read "Starship Troopers" at the age of 9. I waded through "Stranger in a Strange Land" at the age of 12. I was still in my teens when I read "Time Enough for Love" and "I will Fear No Evil". No wonder I'm a strange person.)

[fantasyecho.livejournal.com]

I read romance novels at age 9. They preached monogamy, rape-seduction as the best type of first time sex, superficial attraction, and chastity. I kept reading them until age 16.

I think we're both fairly well-adjusted, all things considered.

[nolan-ash.livejournal.com]

HELL YES.

My parents taught me the nuts and bolts of sex from an extremely young age (I don't know any of my friends who learned younger!) and it didn't make me want to have sex. I was so young at the time, the simple facts of how it's done disgusted me and I thought, "I never want this sex thing!" But I knew how it was done and I knew the risks and how to do it safely.

My parents didn't want me to have sex before marriage and they would have punished me severely if they caught me doing it while I was still living under their roof, but they were also wise enough to realize they should teach me about protection. They taught me about the risks of sex without exaggerating the facts, and taught me well that masturbation was an appropriate and safe alternative. (Though they didn't tell me how or anything freaky like that) I was shown a condom and how to use it, taught about the pill.

I was EXTREMELY horny as a teen and wanted sex baaaaaaad, but I also knew I didn't want an STD or to get pregnant by any of my lame boyfriends. So I industriously put my hand to work and I didn't have sex with Alan until I was in college and could get birth control to protect myself fully. (I still don't see condoms alone as nearly safe enough without a second form of backup)

Years later, I'm happily kid-free, disease free, and extremely happy with my kink-filled monogamous relationship.

Sex education does NOT make kids want to have sex. If anything, it demystifies things and presents the biological basis in a way that makes the whole act less sexy.

Kids will be taught about sex from a very young age, but it will probably be by TV and movies where no one ever gets an STD and no one ever gets pregnant by mistake (unless that's central to the plot of the movie). And it's this rose-tinted portrayal of sex that makes kids want to do it. Should we let this mystical "it'll never happen to you" fantasy land be what teaches our kids how to do it, or should kids understand the reality and know how to use the tools they need to protect themselves in the real world?

Sex ed all the way. If parents are worried about an influence that will make their kids more likely to have sex, they should watch their TV and movie intake more carefully and explain about the protection that must be going on behind the scenes to let these characters stay disease- and kid-free.