"That Guy"

[jhameia]

cereta has a post up which asks:

There is a point in discussions of rape, when the discussion turns from the particular to the systemic, when the idea that, for example, many cultures have a value system that makes men believe they are fundamentally entitled to women's bodies (or time or attention, but mostly bodies), when the exceptionism starts to come out. Say it with me, now: not all men are like that.

...

And I am sure that you, Guy Who Is Reading This, is That Guy. You're the guy who would never rape a girl passed out on your bed (who, for that matter, knows that such an act would be rape), or the woman in the village your battalion/troop/whatever is overrunning. You're the guy who wouldn't do such a thing even when his buddies were heckling him, telling him he's a fag and a pussy if he doesn't. Even more, you're the guy who would stop his frat brother from raping that girl, and get her home. You're the guy who would stop his comrades, or at least report them.

And to lose the sarcasm for a minute, I'm sure some of you are. Lord knows, I believe that of most of the men I am close to. Or at least, I desperately want to.

Now, here's my question: where the fuck are you?

Emphasis mine. She also said:

Why aren't there more stories of "the guy who got me home when I was seriously drunk and my boyfriend wasn't looking out for me"? And even if the women are too embarrassed to tell them, don't tell me that if this were a common occurrence, that we wouldn't hear a dozen of them every time a Haidl, Nachreiner and Spann appeared in the news?

Basically, where are the stories of guys who weren't entitled dicks? Who actually do look out for their female friends?

Anyways, go read the whole thing, it's amazing. The comments are SO worthwhile too. It's so heartwarming (and heartbreaking) to see women's stories of the times when men in their lives have been true allies. Given the rape statistics out there, we need Those Guys to come out of the woodwork and be more vocal, and provide role models for other men everywhere who don't think the issue of rape affects them.

Comments

[nolan-ash.livejournal.com]

I can only speak for my country's culture, but given the sheer number of hours the average American spends in front of the television, I'm convinced that a lot of this "This is how men should act" comes from media. This is what it means to say the arts do/will change the world. (And why Sarah Haskins' commentary on ads is so relevant)

"Those Guys" will always be the heroes and desirable leads in my novels. It's up to artists to break the mold, not fit the mold. I'm in it for the message, not the money.

[fantasyecho.livejournal.com]

The media certainly plays a HUGE role in perpetuating the hyper-masculine culture, but it's not the only one. Frat houses perpetuate it, 'good old boys' clubs perpetuate it, children can even pick up such cues from hanging around a group of men at a barbecue, girls learn to accept such nonsense behaviour from their own female role models.

It's not just up to the artists, I think it behooves everyone, in their own personal lives, to be "those guys".