Reaching Out

The caterpillar is pupating! I went to have a look at it today and couldn't find it. My dad said yesterday, "I didn't give it as many leaves today because I know it's going into pupation soon."

And I was like, "How you know?"

And he was like, "'Cos it's about that size when it goes into pupa."

And I was like, "How you know THAT?"

"Because! I've seen other caterpillars before!"

And today, I couldn't find it among the leaves on the bottom of the jar, but it's clinging to the newspaper covering, getting ready to hang down.

Pics when I can get them.

This is, according to Liss from Shakesville, a PSA from the White House's Fatherhood initiative.

I like it because the dad is so totally into what he's doing with his daughter and it doesn't mock him for it.

Lots of people in the Shakesville post are talking about stuff they did with their dads which was stereotypically "girly".

My dad taught my brother how to cook, who in turn taught me. Cooking was never women's work in my household (although my mom can rise to the occasion, she knows my dad has more energy for that, but she was the first one who taught me how to mix eggs into my instant noogles). My dad was also the kind to be more visibly enthusiastic, going "YEEEAAAAAAAA!" unabashedly when I accomplished something.

I'm also recovering from a fever. Normally I wrap myself up, crank up the heat and go to bed to sweat and break the fever, and then I'm okay. I broke the fever last night, I think.

( First few days in villages so darn small you can't find them on the map )

( A bit about squat toilets )

( Hot Springs Awesomeness )

( Yang Shuo, and consumer whoredom )

( Guilin, and general temperature misery )

Reading all the various feminist blogs, I'm beginning to see a lot of things that women have to go through, which I'm sure my mother never really had to (until recently). Take for example, Cara from the Curvature's thread on the costs of unwed parenting, in which women point out why Bush's Marriage Saver program is a bad idea: doesn't stop men from abandoning women when they have children (as they've done historically), doesn't help single mothers, doesn't help women in abusive marriages.

Anyway, a lot of times, it's just a matter of seeing that men don't take women's work seriously: if a man helps out around the house, it's a big fucking deal because men don't normally do that. My father isn't like that. Hell, my father taught me and my brother to do household chores ourselves (he taught my brother to cook, who in turn taught me), without being told. I remember I once asked my dad what he would like for his birthday. He said, "I'd like for you to clean your rooms without me telling you to."

WTF, shouldn't this come from my mom? (She also made similar requests, though not as often. She's a bit of a slob herself. It's okay though, because she's brilliant.)

I remember when I was moving down to Singapore with my mom, who had just received a promotion there, we were looking for places to live. At one point, my mum and dad were wondering about the feasibility of getting a maid, or how to keep house, since she would be working all day (asking my then 12-yr-old brother and my then 8-yr-old self to help out wasn't an option, it seemed), or someting like that.

I can remember it very clearly: my dad had been standing by a window, and he turned to my mum, and he said, "I could be the househusband." Then he laughed, and so did my mum. But I think it was funny... because it was true. I think if my mum had asked very seriously for my dad to quit his job in Subang, come live with her in Singapore and be the househusband, he probably would have done it.

And now, thinking about it and learning how to negotiate stuff with my boyfriends, that memory means a lot to me.

And that is why my dad is awesome.


You shall hear more of my dad as time goes by, I imagine.