Reaching Out

I saw this movie tonight.

I thought the trailer looked incomprehensible and took itself too seriously? WOW SO NOT THE MOVIE AT ALL. It took this ridiculous Tumblr post to convince me to go.

I WILL NEVER REGRET IT

Highlights:

- this is the most fucking nonsensical plot I have ever seen and yet I just had to roll with it because it was that cracktastic
- but why Channing Tatum?? he's not even hot
- BUT HE PLAYS A WOLFMAN BOUNTY HUNTER WORKING TO GET BACK HIS BIONIC WINGS I AM OKAY WITH THIS
- oh my god he has anti-grav boots and is practically rollerblading off walls
- holy shit pew pew fights
- ALIENS
- our main character is a TOILET CLEANER HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- why do these siblings hate each other? why is this one sibling so smugshit, another sibling so AAAAAAAAAAAAANGSTY
- my god but everything in space is so lush and extravagant and holy shit
- there is a black bounty hunter! he doesn't die! in fact, he and his Asian cyberpunk flying motorbike riding partner live and cheat their third! FUCK YEAH
- BEEEEEEEES (the whole "bees recognize royalty" thing is actually biologically not right but WHATEVER)
- SPAAAAAACE FIIIIIIIIIGHTS
- OUTER SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
- The Captain of this SPACESHIP is a BLACK WOMAN named TSING and there are SO MANY RANDOM POC I CANNOT
- HAHAHA BUREAUCRACY
- kidnapping and then an unwholesomely INAPPROPRIATE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL LIKE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS INCEST PLOT TWIST BUT I WILL RUN WITH IT BECAUSE THERE WILL BE A WEDDING CRASH SCENE AND ALSO WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING STILL LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY ABOUT IT TWO HOURS LATER
- THIS POST
- GUGU MBATHA-RAW!!!!!!!!! OMG SHE COOOLLLLLLD!
- This movie totally passed the Bechdel Test. It also passed the POC version, holy shit.
- Also? Proved that you do not need to have a rape scene to threaten your female main character
- lots of Shirtless Tatum
- Sean Bean didn't die!
- SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS
- And ya know, for having spent most of her life cleaning toilets, and despite the fact that she DOES have to get rescued fairly often, which is unsurprising given, you know, livelihood of cleaning toilets, Space Princess does fairly okay! she makes some shitty political decisions but that's totally understandable!

Now, there WERE some flubs in this movie--the romance between Jupiter and Caine, for one, is SUPER AWKWARD AND UNEXPECTED (but good god that awkward dialog, that's badfic territory and you kinda just have to savor the awkwardness, it's so beautiful) -- there're a couple of plotholes -- there's obviously a LOT of backstory we're not getting (which I'm OK with! FANDOM IS REPARATIVE LIKE THAT)

But it was so over the top, and so not serious, and just so decadent in its ridiculousness, I'm gonna roll with it and take joy in its ridiculousness, because YES, of COURSE we women are allowed mediocre stupid movies which are essentially terrible self-insert fic, guys get them all the time so I will totally savor this one.