![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jhameiaMy brother sent me and my dad Amy Chua's racist screed on how her abusive parenting skills are better and inherently Chinese, because he'd "never thought about it that way before" and I had to remind them both that it's racist, Orientalist, and abusive on several levels, plus it's a fucked up, terrible interpretation of Chinese ancestor worship. My dad emailed back laughing and said apparently my mom thinks she had a hand at all in my getting cum laude in my BA.
This shit pisses me off, on so many fucking levels. I did the Honours program in English at Saint Mary's. I did get a distinction. I did well enough to surprise my family with my induction into the President's Hall of Excellence when they came for my graduation (I told them it was a scholarship party), and I graduated happy and emotionally healthy from SMU.
The thing is, the only thing she had to do with it was give me the money for it and get off my fucking back when I revealed my decision to go to Saint Mary's and not to any other university she approved (which were in Australia and the UK). So to know she's claiming credit for what's essentially my work and effort into my own fucking degree pisses me off:
1) I did well because my family wasn't around. OK? This is hard for my parents to accept. My dad always gets awkward when his friends ask "why so far?" when they discover I went to Canada to do my degree. I'm sure he says something like "her choice" or "that's where she was accepted to" (actually I was also accepted into Northumbria University in England, Lakehead University, University of New Brunswick and York University). When I tell friends that it's because Halifax is literally on the other side of the planet from my family, dissuading them from visiting as often as they might if I had been closer like say Australia, I make it sound like it's a joke, but I am a good actor, even when I tell the fucking truth. Living with my family was awful. My dad, as awesome as he is, does not understand depression. My brother was in Australia at the time and he didn't know how to deal with depression either. My mom refused to acknowledge my mental illness even when I challenged her to take me to a psychiatrist.
2) I did well because I was doing a program I genuinely wanted to do. When I first failed in SPM year my mom sicced my aunt on me. My dad's younger sister who herself hated her own mom and didn't even attend my grandma's funeral AND whom my mother would badmouth behind her back. This aunt told me - TOLD me - that I wasn't a good writer and that I should go into accountancy. This was years ago. This was in 2001. THIS STILL MAKES ME ANGRY. Because I liked my aunt. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE COOL AUNT. This is after I reiterated several times throughout the course of two years that I wanted to do a degree in English literature.
3) I did well because I knew how to game the system. Yeah, there's a system and I figured it out. After finally understanding how the fuck university calendars work (I didn't get my registration package, and I didn't realize I had to pick my own damn courses and schedule until AFTER I got to Canada. The first person who explained to me roughly how these things worked was a girl I met while waiting in line for registration. Her name was Mary. Thank you, Mary), I sat down and worked out what courses I was going to take over the course of my entire undergrad career. By my second year, I had it all figured out. I also figured out really quickly how to talk to profs and how to feel out what they would expect of me. I knew how to ask whether I could do projects I really wanted and strung together professors' expectations with stuff I genuinely wanted to do.
4) I did well because the medium of my education was in English. I HAVE SHITTY BAHASA SKILLS. That is why I didn't do nearly as well in SPM as I could have. I took Geography as one of my electives and got a C5. I could have done better if the language was in English simply because I retain information in my head better when it's in English, particularly with a subject I didn't particularly care for. But my first language is English and my degree was in English and I thrived in an English-speaking environment, where I wasn't expected to be able to speak other languages. I love English. I have also come to love its varieties and variations and playing with grammar and arbitrary rules and cultural nuances.
5) I did well because I finally had access to a doctor who took my mental health seriously. Doctors specifically for students on-campus?! BLEW MY MIND. Health insurance built into my student fees, privileging me to go see a doctor any damn time I wanted if I could get an appointment? BLEW MY MIND. Not having to worry about paying the doctor and only paying 10% or something of the medicine? BLEW MY MIND. My doctor was sweet, funny, and genuinely concerned for me. If I was just feeling fucking shitty I could set an appointment with her to talk it out. Of course by the time I felt horrible enough to decide I needed to go see the doctor it meant i had hit rock bottom enough for me to be able to climb back out, but STILL, having a doctor who understood my illness and not only was willing to talk to me about it, but was welcoming of it because she genuinely gave a shit, meant SO MUCH for my mental health.
Imagine if I had none of these factors while doing my degree? If I had to remain in my family home, with my mom still yelling at me because I wasn't doing a degree she wanted me to do, making me feel like a failure because I didn't get straight As, calling me "koyak" (broken) just because I didn't score high enough on a subject I liked (I got Bs, never As, with my favourite professor), basically continuing the same conditions that led me to be suicidal during SPM year in the first place, all the way into my undergrad? Either I would have run away from the house, or I would have killed myself. And because I couldn't imagine living away from home, I most likely would have done the latter if things had gotten that bad. And I refuse to be ashamed of this.
So I am fucking angry that she's claiming credit for what's MY work in getting MY distinction in MY undergrad in MY field during which I finally learned how to take care of MY mental and emotional health which contributed significantly to MY success (and in no small way MY coping method for dealing with my mom nowadays). In many ways, it was the non-academic stuff that was WAY harder than school, but if I hadn't done all that FOR AND BY MYSELF, I would not have done as well in school as I did.
IN SUM, FUCK THIS SHIT. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TO FINISH MY ESSAY FOR NISI, MY PROPOSAL, AND READ JUDITH BUTLER.
This shit pisses me off, on so many fucking levels. I did the Honours program in English at Saint Mary's. I did get a distinction. I did well enough to surprise my family with my induction into the President's Hall of Excellence when they came for my graduation (I told them it was a scholarship party), and I graduated happy and emotionally healthy from SMU.
The thing is, the only thing she had to do with it was give me the money for it and get off my fucking back when I revealed my decision to go to Saint Mary's and not to any other university she approved (which were in Australia and the UK). So to know she's claiming credit for what's essentially my work and effort into my own fucking degree pisses me off:
1) I did well because my family wasn't around. OK? This is hard for my parents to accept. My dad always gets awkward when his friends ask "why so far?" when they discover I went to Canada to do my degree. I'm sure he says something like "her choice" or "that's where she was accepted to" (actually I was also accepted into Northumbria University in England, Lakehead University, University of New Brunswick and York University). When I tell friends that it's because Halifax is literally on the other side of the planet from my family, dissuading them from visiting as often as they might if I had been closer like say Australia, I make it sound like it's a joke, but I am a good actor, even when I tell the fucking truth. Living with my family was awful. My dad, as awesome as he is, does not understand depression. My brother was in Australia at the time and he didn't know how to deal with depression either. My mom refused to acknowledge my mental illness even when I challenged her to take me to a psychiatrist.
2) I did well because I was doing a program I genuinely wanted to do. When I first failed in SPM year my mom sicced my aunt on me. My dad's younger sister who herself hated her own mom and didn't even attend my grandma's funeral AND whom my mother would badmouth behind her back. This aunt told me - TOLD me - that I wasn't a good writer and that I should go into accountancy. This was years ago. This was in 2001. THIS STILL MAKES ME ANGRY. Because I liked my aunt. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE COOL AUNT. This is after I reiterated several times throughout the course of two years that I wanted to do a degree in English literature.
3) I did well because I knew how to game the system. Yeah, there's a system and I figured it out. After finally understanding how the fuck university calendars work (I didn't get my registration package, and I didn't realize I had to pick my own damn courses and schedule until AFTER I got to Canada. The first person who explained to me roughly how these things worked was a girl I met while waiting in line for registration. Her name was Mary. Thank you, Mary), I sat down and worked out what courses I was going to take over the course of my entire undergrad career. By my second year, I had it all figured out. I also figured out really quickly how to talk to profs and how to feel out what they would expect of me. I knew how to ask whether I could do projects I really wanted and strung together professors' expectations with stuff I genuinely wanted to do.
4) I did well because the medium of my education was in English. I HAVE SHITTY BAHASA SKILLS. That is why I didn't do nearly as well in SPM as I could have. I took Geography as one of my electives and got a C5. I could have done better if the language was in English simply because I retain information in my head better when it's in English, particularly with a subject I didn't particularly care for. But my first language is English and my degree was in English and I thrived in an English-speaking environment, where I wasn't expected to be able to speak other languages. I love English. I have also come to love its varieties and variations and playing with grammar and arbitrary rules and cultural nuances.
5) I did well because I finally had access to a doctor who took my mental health seriously. Doctors specifically for students on-campus?! BLEW MY MIND. Health insurance built into my student fees, privileging me to go see a doctor any damn time I wanted if I could get an appointment? BLEW MY MIND. Not having to worry about paying the doctor and only paying 10% or something of the medicine? BLEW MY MIND. My doctor was sweet, funny, and genuinely concerned for me. If I was just feeling fucking shitty I could set an appointment with her to talk it out. Of course by the time I felt horrible enough to decide I needed to go see the doctor it meant i had hit rock bottom enough for me to be able to climb back out, but STILL, having a doctor who understood my illness and not only was willing to talk to me about it, but was welcoming of it because she genuinely gave a shit, meant SO MUCH for my mental health.
Imagine if I had none of these factors while doing my degree? If I had to remain in my family home, with my mom still yelling at me because I wasn't doing a degree she wanted me to do, making me feel like a failure because I didn't get straight As, calling me "koyak" (broken) just because I didn't score high enough on a subject I liked (I got Bs, never As, with my favourite professor), basically continuing the same conditions that led me to be suicidal during SPM year in the first place, all the way into my undergrad? Either I would have run away from the house, or I would have killed myself. And because I couldn't imagine living away from home, I most likely would have done the latter if things had gotten that bad. And I refuse to be ashamed of this.
So I am fucking angry that she's claiming credit for what's MY work in getting MY distinction in MY undergrad in MY field during which I finally learned how to take care of MY mental and emotional health which contributed significantly to MY success (and in no small way MY coping method for dealing with my mom nowadays). In many ways, it was the non-academic stuff that was WAY harder than school, but if I hadn't done all that FOR AND BY MYSELF, I would not have done as well in school as I did.
IN SUM, FUCK THIS SHIT. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TO FINISH MY ESSAY FOR NISI, MY PROPOSAL, AND READ JUDITH BUTLER.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-09 10:10 pm (UTC)I point out that stressed out overachieving culture is not much different than conservative Christian families in the US with regards to the effects it has on people.
And if I hear one more fucking "asians are robots" bit I'm going to go the fuck off.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-09 11:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-12 12:43 am (UTC)And, most importantly and problematically, is that instead of becoming asian folks talking about this issue and the experience of it, it becomes white people talking about asians, which is totally not the same thing.
It doesn't get to be a scale, and the people don't get to be people. We get poured into a monolith and dehumanized and othered the whole way through.